You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
