No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
