Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
