Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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