just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
