Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
