eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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