So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
