Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
