The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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