Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
