I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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