Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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