i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
