70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize