let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
