I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
