dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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