she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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