I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
