you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize