Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
