bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
