My friends, they love my intelligence
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it was like eating out sand paper
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
