dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
operation have a gay friend backfired
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
