Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
