the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
