Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
