we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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