Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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