I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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