best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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