He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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