I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
