So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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