Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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