try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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