At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
