It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
