Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
