i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize