Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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