a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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