you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
