Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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