hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
