I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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