Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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