I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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