If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
