Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
