Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
being pregnant is like rehab
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
