I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wear drunk well.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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