Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
