Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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