I wanna passion pit in your ass
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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