My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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