Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
