You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Damn victory sex feels great
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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