i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize