I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
