You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
