MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
