yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
