I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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