U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
