How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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