My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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