I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
bring money and cleavage
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
