If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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