watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
