i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
