I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
