Just cropdusted the office
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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