A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
