Where is the hickey?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
