cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
